Learning more about my mistakes. Boss in the middle. Day 4 Prayer challenge – Wrap up.

IMG_0438Today was a good day, although I really need to start getting more sleep.  I was dragging first thing.  I honestly can’t remember what my meditation was about this morning.  I’m pretty tired right now.  I did however, have a revelation about some mistakes I have been making.

I felt calm and in charge all day.  I am convinced this has everything to do with my morning ritual.  Can I call it a ritual after 4 days?  Anyway, I had an unexpected meeting with one of the corporate bosses and I felt very powerful during the discussion.  I was honest with him about something that is going on in my unit.  He listened and gave what I can only characterize as insightful advice.  I told him my path forward and he seemed satisfied.  Usually, I think about all of my words and actions during a meeting with this person, but today, I barely gave any of it a second thought.  That’s huge for me.

I have also been more aware of my emotions.  Perhaps this is a by-product of the daily meditations.  I have begun to realize that I am very anal.  I project that onto others and it usually doesn’t work out well.  I have slight OCD and at times can be concerned with perfection.  This can have severe consequences when dealing with people who aren’t into making sure the small details are handled.

I am causing damage to relationships and missing opportunities to build confidence and trust in the people closest to me, because I am obsessed with insisting they do it “my way”.

I have got to stop thinking that my kids won’t be succesful in life if they don’t perform every chore, perfectly, everyday.  I have to stop thinking that they will be slobs if there rooms aren’t cleaned up everyday.

Simple for some, very hard for me.  I am driven to a certain level of performance and am able to deliver at peak levels for extended periods of time.  I am a great organizer of things, ideas and processes.  That is great for my career.  I have probably risen to my current position, largely in part to those abilities.  Having said that, I can see this doesn’t translate the same way at home.

I’m probably too hard on my kids.  I’ll have to think about it.

More to come on that later.  I have to get some sleep.

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