Today was a good day, although I really need to start getting more sleep. I was dragging first thing. I honestly can’t remember what my meditation was about this morning. I’m pretty tired right now. I did however, have a revelation about some mistakes I have been making.
I felt calm and in charge all day. I am convinced this has everything to do with my morning ritual. Can I call it a ritual after 4 days? Anyway, I had an unexpected meeting with one of the corporate bosses and I felt very powerful during the discussion. I was honest with him about something that is going on in my unit. He listened and gave what I can only characterize as insightful advice. I told him my path forward and he seemed satisfied. Usually, I think about all of my words and actions during a meeting with this person, but today, I barely gave any of it a second thought. That’s huge for me.
I have also been more aware of my emotions. Perhaps this is a by-product of the daily meditations. I have begun to realize that I am very anal. I project that onto others and it usually doesn’t work out well. I have slight OCD and at times can be concerned with perfection. This can have severe consequences when dealing with people who aren’t into making sure the small details are handled.
I am causing damage to relationships and missing opportunities to build confidence and trust in the people closest to me, because I am obsessed with insisting they do it “my way”.
I have got to stop thinking that my kids won’t be succesful in life if they don’t perform every chore, perfectly, everyday. I have to stop thinking that they will be slobs if there rooms aren’t cleaned up everyday.
Simple for some, very hard for me. I am driven to a certain level of performance and am able to deliver at peak levels for extended periods of time. I am a great organizer of things, ideas and processes. That is great for my career. I have probably risen to my current position, largely in part to those abilities. Having said that, I can see this doesn’t translate the same way at home.
I’m probably too hard on my kids. I’ll have to think about it.
More to come on that later. I have to get some sleep.